Where's my chains?!!!

Today, I learnt...

2010-03-21T18:32:00.001-07:00

that people can have 'frenemies'. I don't get it. If you don't like someone, why hang around them? A practice more common amongst those of the fairer sex (I'm NOT being sexist, just acerbic. Even CNN admits it).

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/wayoflife/08/24/tf.why.women.have.frenemies/index.html

To be content

2010-02-09T18:04:00.001-08:00

A bowl of muesli,
Everyday,
Shall keep your bowels happy,
And constipation away.

For to be content,
One must contend,
Is to not strain,
But to lightly distend.

Euphemisms the above,
May or may not be,
A nonsense limerick,
This is, most definitely.

The Bells

2010-01-30T23:43:00.000-08:00

Beata Maria, you know I'm so much purer than, the common, vulgar, weak licentious crowd! Then tell me, Maria, why I see her dancing there, why her smouldering eyes still scorch my soul!

Beata Maria, don't let the siren cast her spell, don't let her fire sear my flesh and bone!

Like fire, hellfire, this fire in my skin, this burning, desire, is turning into sin!

The Coolest Song Ever

2010-01-22T19:11:00.000-08:00

I'm a hippopotamus with noodles on my back

2010-01-20T14:24:00.001-08:00

Yes... yes I am.

Quotes

2010-01-20T14:13:00.000-08:00

If any further warning about the dangers of racial intolerance (specifically in Malaysia, but applicable worldwide) need be said, a quote from Adolf Hitler would sum it up beautifully:

What luck for rulers, that men do not think.

(I hate entering these disclaimers; let me point out that, as Adolf Hitler was Satan-incarnate, the very fact that he issued such a statement belies what lays ahead should actions such as that which he undertook were to be brought about again)

The World

2010-01-01T18:20:00.000-08:00

Boil the World down and you'll have three things; sex, money and disease. Everything else is white noise. -Gavin

Jurisprudential Musing

2009-11-22T19:26:00.000-08:00

As for the law and I, we shall prevail! (ode to the Pantheon)

It is a misconception,
That what we contrive,
Will eventually fall into decay,
Disrepute, or strife.

To forego such a conclusion,
One must depend,
Upon a character,
Not kept on a stipend.

Fields and lilacs,
Doth he not gambol,
The drudgery of life,
Does he make his singular atoll.

For grave is his undertaking,
His measure cup large,
To keep and to preserve,
Is what he desires.

The manner, one might ask,
Of fulfilling such a task,
Is both contentious,
And at times, bourgeois.

Verbosity may be,
His one unravelling,
But even then,
You (may) see,
It's open to reading!

So throw open your doors,
And bid him welcome,
For he is here,
To protect hearth and home.

A word of caution,
Though one must note,
He was a guise under,
which even Hitler commanded.

[Note for the slow: The reference to Hitler states the fact that Hitler's party was a democratically elected party. Hence, their 'laws' (if one can even mention both in the same breath) were procedurally correct, but morally bankrupt. Such rules, to this writer, are fallacies and nonsense of the highest order. They would be valid justification for civilian rebellion]

The Difference Between Men and Women

2009-11-05T20:47:00.001-08:00

The Difference Between Men and Women

Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: ''Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?''

And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward . . . I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Roger is thinking: . . . so that means it was . . . let's see . . February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means . . . lemme check the odometer . . . Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed -- even before I sensed it -- that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.

And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.

And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90- day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs.

And Elaine is thinking: maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their ......

''Roger,'' Elaine says aloud.

''What?'' says Roger, startled.

''Please don't torture yourself like this,'' she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. ''Maybe I should never have . . Oh, I feel so......''

(She breaks down, sobbing.)

''What?'' says Roger.

''I'm such a fool,'' Elaine sobs. ''I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse.''

''There's no horse?'' says Roger.

''You think I'm a fool, don't you?'' Elaine says.

''No!'' says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.

''It's just that . . . It's that I . . . I need some time,'' Elaine says.

(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)

''Yes,'' he says.

(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.)

''Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?'' she says.

'What way?'' says Roger.

"That way about time,'' says Elaine.

''Oh,'' says Roger. ''Yes.''

(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

''Thank you, Roger,'' she says.

''Thank you,'' says Roger.

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a football match between two Russian teams he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it.

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say:

"Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?''

Yes, we don't think that deeply. I'll admit it.

Music

2009-10-23T19:41:00.000-07:00

Richard sniffed as he looked at the slush gather by the wayside. Being a coach driver in 19th century England was far from desirable, even more so at election time. Corpulent politicians would seem to need perpetual ferrying, come hell or high water. They would bark out commands, without so much as a please. The charges barely kept ol' Mattie, his study mare, alive. One aspect Richard never compromised on would be that of his horse. He always ensured that she was well fed and watered. A real treat for his two kids, Roberta and Janie, would be to feed sugar cubes to the mollycoddled Mattie, whom seemed to be the only well-fed member of the family.

There were four of them. Richard, his wonderful wife Justine, and the two girls. He worked hard at his job, but at times, he could barely make ends meet. They went hungry at times, and nothing broke poor Richard's heart more than seeing his three cherubs gritting their teeth through the pain. They did their best to appear happy and unaffected, and he silently thanked God every day for such a wonderfully compassionate and understanding family. Every night, he promised to work a little harder the next day.

Richard had just begun pulling late night work, or 'night shifts', as put by some fancy bureaucrat. The work was a hard slog, with barely any rest for Mattie nor him for near 12 hour stretches. Back-breaking indeed, but if it kept them from starving, he would damn well do it. The hours passed slowly.

The chilly air didn't help his cough one bit. It had only been minor last year, but had grown steadily worse due to it being in the deep of winter. The worst fit had come about when he had had to wait for a Lord What's-His-Name to finish some uppity fancy dress ball, in the driving snow. No one had offered him shelter, and he had not asked for any. A silly move, in retrospect, but one which his pride had disallowed him from embarking on then.

As he watched the snow turn into muck, Richard drew a deep, long swig of tea from the flask Justine had lovingly prepared for him. The hot tea did him good, but it was not very effective against the biting snow. "There there Mattie," he murmured to his horse as he patted her neck. She tended to get skittish when the wind blew too hard. Richard reached into his lapel and pulled out a carrot, which he held out to Mattie. "Have a bit of this old girl, it'll do yer a power of good,"

Mattie proceeded to scarf the carrot down, and neighed softly. "You're welcome girl," replied Richard. The muffled clop of Mattie's hooves upon the pavement was the only sound to be heard on this cold, bitter night.

And then...

I was struck with laziness beyond compare. My body struggled to cope with words... I was like a dead cheetah on a trampoline, going without actually knowing why or how... Call me Rob Zombie...

Pretentious

2009-10-18T14:24:00.001-07:00

Yeah, its bad. Like, y'know, when you don't like someone, say it to his/her face. Don't keep it in man, as it'll fester and turn into Pugsley Adam.

Word.

Akka Magga

2009-10-16T03:25:00.001-07:00

Announcement

2009-09-17T11:10:00.000-07:00

Ixnay on the upid stay. And if that doesn't get you running, I don't know what will. Probably your wanton destruction of Gnomes.

Unless you enjoy throwing your controller at a masked man's head, DON't buy Overlord 2. Babeng punya game, SO DIFFICULT!! And the worst part is, if you die, there is only a minimal chance that you will be rescued by a checkpoint. Nevertheless, it is a game that a 7000Gs animal such as mineself would have to complete.

And here's a walk down memory lane... For those old enough to cherish these games, here are a few that should be brought back...

1. Mickey Mania

2. Abe's Oddysee

3. Aliens

4. Driver 1

5. Beast Wars (great concept then, lousy execution)

6. Road Rash

7. Duke Nukem I

8. House of the Dead (remake it for consoles)

9. Bare Knuckles 1 & 2

10. Twisted Metal

11. Aladdin

12. The Return of Superman

12. Double Dragon (man, those conveyor belts would ALWAYS get me!)

13. Jurassic Park (long overdue a revamp)

14. Outrunners (you can still get this at some arcades, e.g., the one in Subang Parade)

15. Robocop III

16. Fighting Masters (it had a fighting lobster, the pyramids and a boss fight on the moon against a huge creature that wears watches on all limbs. How cekap is that?)

Ken Lee... Tulibu dibu doucho... Just priceless...

2009-09-10T11:24:00.000-07:00

Tulibu dibu doucho... The words man... They just leap out at you and speak volumes! And tuts my barreh... Poetry, pure poetry...

No, I can’t forget this evening
Or your face as you were leaving
But I guess that’s just the way this story goes,
You always smile....
But in you eyes your sorrow shows
Yes it shows

No I can’t forget tomorrow
When I think of all my sorrows
When I had you there but then I let you go
And now it’s only fair that I should let you know
What you should know

I cant live
If living is without you
I can’t live
I can’t give anymore
Can’t live
If living is without you
can’t give,
I can’t give anymore

Well, I can’t forget this evening
Or your face as you were leaving
But I guess that’s just the way this story goes,
You always smile
But in you eyes your sorrow shows
Yes it shows

can’t live
If living is without you
I can’t live
I can’t give anymore
Can’t live
If living is without you
I can’t live,
I can’t give anymore

Ohhhhhh(No can’t live)
No no no (No I can’t live)
I can’t live (No can’t live)
If living is without (No I can’t live)
I can’t live (No can’t live)
I can’t give anymore (No I can’t live)

MC, you're the place to be
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah

I know that you've been waiting for it
I'm waiting too
In my imagination I'd be all up on you
I know you got that fever for me
Hundred and two
And boy I know I feel the same
My temperature's through the roof

[Chorus:]
If there's a camera up in here
Then it's gonna leave with me
When I do (I do)
If there's a camera up in here
Then I'd best not catch this flick
On YouTube (YouTube)
'Cause if you run your mouth and brag
About this secret rendezvous
I will hunt you down
'Cause they be all up in my bidness
Like a Wendy Interview
But this is private
Between you and I

Touch my body
Put me on the floor
Wrestle me around
Play with me some more
Touch my body
Throw me on the bed
I just wanna make you feel
Like you never did.
Touch my body
Let me wrap my thighs
All around your waist
Just a little taste
Touch my body
Know you love my curves
Come on and give me what I deserve
And touch my body.

Boy you can put me on you
Like a brand new white tee
I'll hug your body tighter
Than my favorite jeans
I want you to caress me
Like a tropical breeze
And float away with you
In the Caribbean Sea

[Chorus]

Touch my body
Put me on the floor
Wrestle me around
Play with me some more
Touch my body
Throw me on the bed
I just wanna make you feel
Like you never did.
Touch my body
Let me wrap my thighs
All around your waist
Just a little taste
Touch my body
Know you love my curves
Come on and give me what I deserve
And touch my body.

I'm gonna treat you like a teddy bear
You won't wanna go nowhere
In the lap of luxury
Baby just turn to me
You won't want for nothing boy
I will give you plenty
Touch my body

Touch my body
Put me on the floor
Wrestle me around
Play with me some more
Touch my body
Throw me on the bed
I just wanna make you feel
Like you never did.
Touch my body
Let me wrap my thighs
All around your waist
Just a little taste
Touch my body
Know you love my curves
Come on and give me what I deserve
And touch my body.

Oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah
Oh yeah oh yeah
Oh oh oh oh yeah
Touch my body...

Sizzling Hot Egg Tau Foo...

2009-08-25T11:31:00.000-07:00

Anyone up for some?

O.N.T.A.R.I.O. Ornery Netted tents Are Regulated In Oklahoma

What I Hate

2009-06-27T12:26:00.000-07:00

I HATE it when people say shits... Its SHIT. Its already plural, unless you've created a manner in which faecal matter may be quantified. DOINK!

New Books and The Epicurean Adventures of the Avuncular Uncle Tan

2009-06-14T01:58:00.001-07:00

Alright Chain-Meisters, its been a while, and after all that hate mail I've received, I thought I'd allow you guys an exercise in how to NOT be plebeian (very necessary, after all that mud-slinging).

There is a very simple action one can take to overcome one's proletariat outlook upon life. I shall enlighten thee, dear chain reader, upon the aforementioned, if you would just put up with mine verbosity a tad while longer.

You may think that the manner which I am about to enlighten thee upon is very uppity, and a tad bit snooty, but I assure thee, tis' none of the above.

The BEST, and DEFINITELY MOST ADVANCED MANNER IN WHICH ONE CAN INCREASE ONE'S UNDERSTANDING, COMPREHENSION AND OUTLOOK UPON LOVE, LIFE AND POLITICS WOULD BE.....

(Cue Imperial March music)

TO PLAY RED FACTION GUERILLA!!!!!!

If you've been a total loser all this time, can't function in any possible manner, feel awkward at social functions, and are a vain, self-centred git, then THIS IS THE GAME FOR YOU! (By the way, the last sentence made no sense AT ALL! How would a vain person feel like a loser? Hah, ponder upon that, foolish mortal!)

In this 2nd ed., you play Mason, a crazy demolitions expert. And I tell you man (or woman), its THE GREATEST SH*T to EVER GRACE PLANET EARTH! However, as the game takes place on Mars, I'm actually contradicting myself, but what the hey!

Mason can blow ANY STRUCTURE on the Red Planet up, and the physics of the game are mind-bendingly cekap. Buildings collapse as they should, not breaking the base will NOT result in collapse, Crazy s*ite man! And you throw explosives... Which can blow EVERYTHING, including your comrades, UP!

And here's the best part... The landscape is HUGE!! If thou art a crazy gamer such as mineself and can shun humans for days whilst playing Fable 2, then this game is DEFINITELY for you! No drawbacks, except for the occasional bullet to the head courtesy of EDF Snipers! Some blood, but hey, in lieu of games like GTA IV and Fable 2 (think decapitated heads, limbs and even extremities), Red Faction: Guerilla is a Grimm Brothers fairy tale.

So if you are a nut, a bolt (or, as in some rare cases, a washer), or even a clown with a painted face and a penchant for rapping, this GAME is definitely for you!

On a scale of 1-10 upon the "I'd-hold-Mother Nature-in-to-continue-playing' scale, Red Faction gets an 8 out of 10 cups full!

Adieu despots

2009-06-12T12:04:00.000-07:00

Cheers! Last post for ever and ever and ever! Just realised that blogging's not really my cuppa joe.

To all Blue-Collar Workers of the World

2009-05-08T23:15:00.001-07:00

I do apologise for ever doubting. I've purged the evil from meself.

Let's do the twist!

Pulitzer

2009-05-07T12:16:00.001-07:00

Don't I deserve. Period. Double period..

I'm Buffer than you

2009-05-07T12:15:00.000-07:00

Period.

The Awesomeness of Gavin

2009-04-24T10:34:00.000-07:00

Hi there. I am a totally random person. I chanced upon this wonderful blog, and just KNEW that it MUST be dedicated as a shrine to all things Gavin. I hacked in, and here I am! For security purposes, I shall keep my identity a secret.

Note that I am totally random.

Gavin is wonderful. If he keeps going at this rate, he may turn into pure energy force, enough to power the whole world! He's an altruist at heart. If he was to power the world, there would be no requirement for any deforestation! No pollution! GENERATION UPON GENERATION WOULD OWE HIM!!!

Gavin is so great. He assists others, even when it may not be in their best interests for him to do so! A misanthrope is a word that should be thrust as far away as possible from this awesome chap.

He is love.

Why, just the other day, I saw him reviving a fish that had already been fried. Just the smallest example of the love that emanates from this lad.

The humblest token of appreciation that this lowly scribe can afford, Master.

51

2009-04-20T10:57:00.000-07:00

Ahh, the 51st post! 50 has come and gone, and here is 51!

For this post, my dear readers, I'll actually make sense, it being a momentous occasion and all.

Today, I'll discuss the need for maturity. I do believe that I am, to a certain extent, immature. I mean, I'm bigger than the average Malaysian male, but I do not always get taken seriously. I believe I need to stop smiling, start glaring at all and sundry, and only THEN, whilst I get any respect. Dammit!

Far Cry 2, THE BEST GAME EVER! Patience, young padawan, tis' the key to the game!

Hope Pa likes the pen...

The Exod'd'us of McDonalds (see Abe's Oddysee and its sequel, Abe's Exoddus, for explanation as to spelling)

2009-04-14T08:05:00.000-07:00

I love animals. Why do we communicate? If apes had computers, do you think they would be able to establish a new world order? Maybe on wrestling, where everything seems permissible.

YOU DECIDE HIS FATE! SAVE THE MUDOKKONS! OR SATIATE THE GLUKKONS! THE CHOICE IS IN YOUR HAND(S)! Ah, the wonders of being politically correct.

Consider that we are, in essence, apes too. Hah, then what? Pshaw!

Check out Roberto Carlos' shots on Youtube. Poetry...pure poetry.

X-ing a paragrab. Or Politian? Maybe the Raven quoted something else.

Heres to Liverpool hammering Chelsea tonight!

And for all of you out there, call me Narcissus.

To the Love of My Life

2009-04-10T11:27:00.000-07:00

No matter where you are darling, heres remembering the good times. Always know that I loved you unconditionally, and your return would have me ... happy.

Heres to you, Sandy. The only girl that ever truly loved me (excepting Moms, that is).

And to whomever took her, I forgive you.

J. Gavin

The Difference Between Success and Failure

2009-03-22T09:54:00.000-07:00

I love watches. If you have an automatic worthy of my time (pun intended), do drop a line.

Liverpool are leading 3-0 at half time. HAHAHAHAHAHA! Watch out Sir (apply a thick Indian accent, inclusion of yaar is at the discretion of the reader)!!

RIP Anne

2009-03-15T09:43:00.000-07:00

You were my first love. I cherished the moments we had together. The last parting was memorable. I'm glad it was good. There were rough patches, but we got through them. Hope you smile down on me from doggy heaven. And to Uncle D., I hope that lime was used to make her a drink as well!

Rest in Peace, dear Anne. Have a biccie on me.

(1999-2009)

The I'ma Pose on Em', Then I'ma stroll on Em', I Called Ma Hook Up at the Store and Putta Hold On Em'

2009-03-05T11:06:00.000-08:00

Yeah man, number 11 Space Jams... Whatever that means.

Did you know that the blue whale is THE SINGLE LARGEST ANIMAL to EVER EXIST???!!! From the birth of this world till present day! Ahhhh, and to all you mantarays out there whom think that there were bigger dinosaurs... I think you should try landing a plane. Oooooh, as luck would have it, theres an opportunity on your right!

Man, those Germans sure have some crazy ideas. I landed it anyhow, and all I got was Die Von Schnell von Schnell, Schaiza Von Schnell! Haha, those crazy French. Them and their socialist ways.

And I do think that America is headed down the path of socialism... First the banks, then carmakers... Next thing you know, healthcare!

Wheres those chains???!!!!

If only we could fly... Gavin Jay style!

The Sudanese President and Seremban

2009-03-05T04:14:00.000-08:00

How do I explain myself? Well, at times, I do ameliorate, and when I do, you'd do well to stand around. It might rub off.

And I am now morbidly afraid of cricket, cricket related news, and b####### that are extremely indifferent towards the taking of anothers life.

The Mughazi camp, THATS where the Russian Missiles need be directed!

Angelina, Angelina, Please Bring Down Your Concertina

2009-03-01T05:49:00.000-08:00

Yeah, and you'd do well to grow up. Pshhhhhh.........Pfetttt....... Play a welcome for me, cos' I'll be coming from overseas.

The Awesomeness of Movies.. Call me Smith Castle

2009-02-27T11:20:00.000-08:00

The two greatest movies EVER made....

The Punisher: War Zone, and Shoot Em' Up. Some quick facts, Shoot Em' Up had a body count of 103, and only slighly edged The Punisher: War Zone, which had a body count of 89.

The two lead actors, Roy Stevenson for The Punisher, and Clive Owen for Shoot Em' Up, are THE greatest actors EVER!!!

They used 14 gallons of fake blood (i.e., 63 LITRES) on the set of Shoot Em' Up. Both heroes are coolness incarnate...

My recommendation for BOTH movies... A solid 10/10 rating. The only possible qualm would not originate from the movies themselves, but rather from our censorship board. Its already 18SG, WHY in goodness' sake, do you censor crude language and violent scenes??? WHY??!!!

And for THE SHITTIEST Movie of 2008... Drum Roll Please!!!

TWILIGHT!! Heavens above, what with all the posing, and the vampire-drinking-goats-blood BS and long looks into each others eyes, you'd think this movie is more about an anorexic girl daydreaming than bloodthristy vampires! I mean, come on! When jumping around like an animal on steroids, meth and kickapoo is a viable option, and you throw in a non-requirement for sleep, plus super strength... I'd say that tis' truly a miracle that the vampires dont form a group of 10 and kick the Shite out of the 6,000,000,000 of us.

And heres a twist... Vampires have shiny skin. Thats how you tell them apart from human beings. Then explain Boy George, or for you contemporary cats out there, Michael Jackson! Are they nightcrawlers as well?? HMMMM???!!! Shiny skin, geeze louise man!

What next, a 'We-love-humanity-and-will-do-whatever-is-necessary-to-protect-them-despite-our-ancient-good-versus-evil-fights-and-the-fact-that-they-want-to-kill-us-and-all-our-descendants' attitude?

He Just Stepped on my J's!!!

2009-02-22T06:41:00.000-08:00

[Jermaine Dupri:]Uh[Nelly:]Oooooooh[Jermaine Dupri:]Uh haha[Nelly:]Uh Uh Listen[Jermaine Dupri:]Ya'll know what this is[Nelly:]Let's GoWe used to ditch school and head straight up to the mallJust so we can be the first ones with em onReturned to school by lunchtime, like "Nigga what now? "And today we in the club like, "Nigga, what now? "Ya better look downCause UhI know you see em[Jermaine Dupri:]Say what?I know you see em[Jermaine Dupri:]Say what?I know you see em[Jermaine Dupri:]I paid1000 for the jeans[Jermaine Dupri:]I paid200 for the shoesAnd uh Shucks a shirt, I'm a rock dez tatoosYou see my fitted mayneI represent da cribCause even at the cribI represent the crib[Jermaine Dupri:]II pop my grill in[Jermaine Dupri:]And IMight let my chain hang[Jermaine Dupri:]And IMight wrap my wrist, dang[Jermaine Dupri:]Go on derrty do the damn thangI get em free[Jermaine Dupri:]Say whatBut I pay, and if I want I rock a different Yurr of J's E'rrdayA different style, different color is a mustBut uhIt's all good until I get my first scuff and I'm likeCHORUS:Hell Naw aint no way[WHATS WRONG]Man he den stepped on my Jay'sstepped on my Jayshe den stepped on my Jay'sDese just came outHe den stepped on my Jay'sI got dem all [[GOT ALL]]But they dont get no runlike them 13 7's number 4 and the 1'sI like how they look with Dickieshow that Levi lay on emIf you aint got em when you see meYou definitly gon want themIf they new I gotta get them first old i just pop a boxhook em with a shirtAND DA MATCHING COLOR SOXSi think the coldest was the black on blackthe Leather with the Red bottomsI den order the #9You should of seem me when I got themI was in my house(in my house)Dancin in the mirrorstraight thinkin bout gettin outand how Im bout to kill emYou know You got a pair that nobody gotYou cant hold dem back homie you gotta rock!!My attic of Jordan fanatic lil morris blackmanand I know when there comeanother color errthing is happenin[[YA KNOW]]a different stylea different colorIs a mustBut Uh..Its ALL GOOD till I get my 1st scuffand im like[CHORUS]2XsHell Naw aint no way[WHATS WRONG]Man he den stepped on my Jay'sstepped on my Jayshe den stepped on my Jay'sDese just came outHe den stepped on my Jay's[Ciara]I-I-I see you lil' Daddy you look sexy with them j's onI pull up in the drop, step out with them thangs onI got me the black and pink and leather with the gray matching with the skinny jeans off with the shadesI know you see me (i know you see me)My Jeans be never slippinPaparazzi I might stop and take a picture in emYeah, we be fresh every dayAnd if youre lookin for me lil' daddy you can find me in the A[A, A, A]I Got the Metro 1's, then I bought the 2's and the 3's and the 4's..I had to order these you cant find them in the storesCalled up my stylist like 'shawty, Send more...'If you would, please, Send em to me out on tour [Ah, Ah, Ah]They'll be here any minute, man..See, I got that that connectWhere I can damn near get like anythingPose on em, Then imma stroll on em..I call my hook up at the store like put a hold on em...Them Carolina # 9's Matching patten Leather wrist band, Patten Leather #11's..We call em 'Space Jams'..spacejamsYou in my Space, man space manI'll Make you jump, manI'll make you Jump, Jump, Jump Jumpman..See on my weekends..My Jay's play a partIm rockin these to da club and these to the parkIm puttin these on now and these, here, tomorrow..A spurr-off in my carJust in case I catch a scarr..[CHORUS]Hell Naw aint no way[WHATS WRONG]Man he den stepped on my Jay'sstepped on my Jayshe den stepped on my Jay'sDese just came outHe den stepped on my Jay's

Stupid Boys Whom Act like Big Fat Dukes

2009-02-20T23:52:00.000-08:00

My brother Aaron.

Nuff' said

Cremation of Cockatoos (Dead, that is, you evil supporter of Vivisections!)

2009-02-20T11:01:00.000-08:00

When children get wildly out of range, they need a good smack to get them back in (range, that is)

I heard a funny story on the radio the other day. In a shopping mall, a little girl was sitting on her fathers lap and crying out "Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!" whilst staring about like a moose high on Coke (determine which substance you would rather for the context, but do note the capitalisation, which, in itself, indicates my bearing. Or does it?)

This, whilst the frustrated father repeatedly lamented with her... "Daddy is right here! Why are you crying? Daddy is right here?" Haha, such are the joys of childhood, where taking a crap any and everywhere isn't merely a privilege, but a RIGHT. However, I do believe that kids and parents nowadays dont get anywhere near the daily recommended, 'smack quota'. All this bleeding-heart BS about not smacking your kids... Its disgusting man!

I'm sure you concur.

Dont I miss crapping all over. Nevertheless, this weblog seems to achieve as much.

Like, zen man.

The Indifference Associated With Coelacanths

2009-02-20T04:05:00.000-08:00

This is my favourite specimen when it comes to ichthyology. And, to some extents, etymology. I like the spelling and the way in which the word plays into historical advents. And how my brother does not lift a finger despite being an Organising person.

And I love the Burkina Fasoan's. Dr. Mohammad Ali promises me the billions of a client of his. His client died, together with his entire clan, and now, I'm a billionaire. See all you losers from the tinted glass of my bullet-proof limousine. I'll stream dollar bills, so just follow the carpet of green.

And what about cooking in a dude's house? I feel so cool man... Yeah, chilling with my homies yo, yo yo (make weird hand gestures)

And what about arranging whence there is class? Or if there are social divides, can there then be any divisions? Revolution, I say!!!

Zombie-killing, the main-stay of Zoey, Louis, Ol' Bill and Francis, the biker with a nerdy name!

Etiquette

2009-02-11T17:28:00.000-08:00

Peter Post: Speaking a different language with co-workers is rude
Opinion by Peter Post
Tucson, Arizona Published: 12.18.2007

Q Is it rude to speak a different language in front of others at work? A few people at my job tend to speak to certain colleagues in their "native" language while in the presence of other co-workers (I put "native" in quotes because these individuals were born and raised in the United States and hold advanced degrees, and are fluent in both the language of their culture and that of their citizen country).
Sometimes they're talking about work-related issues and sometimes they aren't.
I myself understand their native language, but I believe it's inconsiderate to speak a language in front of others who don't understand it, regardless of whether the topic is personal or professional. They do this, by the way, whether the excluded person is a friend or not. I appreciate any advice you have to offer on this.
A This is clearly one of the most vexing issues received by this column. The problem in the situation you describe, from an etiquette perspective, is that anytime people engage in behavior that's exclusionary, it causes difficulty. Speaking in a language that others can't understand when you could be using an inclusive language is like whispering, and it's rude.
The conversation may be perfectly innocent, but from the viewpoint of the people being excluded, they feel like they're being treated rudely.
The issue is really one of consideration, of making the effort to understand how your behavior is affecting others and then asking yourself: "If I were on the receiving end of that behavior, how would I feel?"
Being excluded never feels good. If the intent of your co-workers is to have a private conversation, then they should move away and have the conversation in private. Otherwise, they should put off the conversation until later. My advice is to say something like: "Jim, I'm sorry I missed that. Did you have something you wanted to say?"

http://education.waikato.ac.nz/research/files/etpc/files/2007v6n2nar1.pdf

http://www.thedailyplate.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=22&t=31205&st=0&sk=t&sd=a&start=15

http://seeker.dice.com/olc/thread.jspa?messageID=88449&tstart=0

http://blogs.msdn.com/oldnewthing/archive/2005/08/04/447655.aspx

Micahel Buble comes to mind... Think of the lyrics in 'Lost' sung by him, and you'll catch my drift, eh?

The Making of Sense and the Sense of being Made

2009-02-06T03:10:00.000-08:00

I had quite an interesting discussion the other day. ALL Mammals, whence fat, are cute. The ONLY exception to this rule would be people. Case in point;

As against;

I rest my case. And I shall now put my computer to rest, after it stored SUCh a hideous picture!

(As a disclaimer, I do NOT discriminate against horizontally superior people. I was just trying to get the message across that, at times, nature does seem quite unfair)

Cheers!

Feng Tao the Indestructible Pot of Oil

2009-01-31T03:08:00.000-08:00

Oil, such a promised liquid (or was that promising?) Can it be used for vaseline? You bet! And did Arsenal sign Arshavin, or did Arshavin just like it over there at Zenit st. Petersburg?

Go Liverpool Go!! Beat Chelsea! And when I catch a match of this calibre next year... I think I can then safely tick one item off of my 'Do Before I Die' list! Yeah!!! (there are only ten other items, one, amongst others, being owning an Audemars Piguet and finishing ALL the achievements in an XBOX Game at the same time)

And WHY??? You may ask??? Because I'm at a friends house? Does that justify a watch that costs as much as a house? Its an investment, touche! Yeah, as is a house. But thats landed. Like peanuts. I'd much rather buy a peanut farm. Hey, if the venture fails, at least you can eat your shares!

Or at least elephants would be able to do it.

And if a person shakes hands with their little finger, then you KNOW your shitting your pants man! At least thats what I've been told... Hope he doesn't read this!

Anyways, ding dong, the wicked witch is dead!

I do believe, that in time, this blog may ACTUALLY make sense! I'm gravitating towards that! Shite!

Somnambulism is all the vogue

2009-01-27T11:15:00.000-08:00

Like dude, I just realised man, its all blue. Take a chill pill, relax, take it slow, go easy.

And you know what? I just realised that the walls arent getting enough love man. Simply put, we need to feed them more... Emulsion paint, you ask? No, I think regular sleep patterns would do.

Camphor oil, camphor oil, camphor oil! Tis' good for digestion and the progression of healthy rustlung...Or IS IT a medical condition? Diagnosis and prognosis please!

When Diamond Dallas Page comes through with a Texas Rattlesnake, run for the hills! But watch out for mutated cannibals, and eye-ed up hills. They can bite.

Punctilicious!

All the people whom died

2009-01-26T08:07:00.000-08:00

This is the bad engrand posts. it is the much easier to the does. I is the likes the bad engrabnd, or, and some say, the engrishhhh. it is the very the nice. If i is the no makes the sense in this posts is the forgiven, as i is no manners kind one. is the bads...

And whence will it end???!!! When will the voices end??!! Just kidding, there are'nt any voices. But do keep in kind that messages in mamak shops can end up in code. You were warned. Try the deep fried chilli chicken, and if thats too cholesterol laden, try deep-fried chilli crabs! mmmm mmmm good!

Justification for My Lai? How about the Doha Debates? The issue was...

IS THE POLITICISATION OF ISLAM (I.E. ISLAMIC POLITICS) AT ODDS WITH THE WEST?

the question was NOT whether muslims should be in politics, it was whether islamic politics should be allowed! How can we allow people to be granted opportunities to advance in a political party based solely upon their religion???? It does not make sense!! What if Americans decided to solely pick based upon religion and/or race and/or creed? It would be totally unfair!!

So Joseph, I am diametrically opposed to you, and Majjid, we definitely think alike upon whether Islamic Politics have a place in the West. I would NOT want to be subjected to hudud laws which i DO NOT subscribe to, so there!

Cheers!

The Kaleidoscope of Mantaray and the Dirty Bubble

2009-01-25T05:55:00.000-08:00

When it began, it was in Vault 101, vuvushei! And then, Agent James Carter gained so much weight. Some say that he should have been better prepared for such a role, but what the heck, tis a comedy man!

And then, when George was a cabbie, it all went downhill. He was smacked around, but luckily, Mick Foley and his hunting rifle were handy.

What about Shai Shen?

THAT tattoo MUST have hurt!

But what about wrinkles? And fax machines? How about WWII? The chains must prevail if the Gears fail!!!

Hen pecked hen pecked hen pecked... I see the future!

Au revoir!

The Putting in of Effort

2009-01-17T08:42:00.000-08:00

I just figured something scary out today...

SOME PEOPLE ACTUALLY PUT EFFORT INTO THEIR BLOGS!!!

Betcha didn't see that one coming, din'cha??

Anyways, back to killing Mirelurks. You've gotta shoot em' in the face! And make sure Vera Weatherly and Bryan Wilks are really related, or you may have serious problems.

In relation to the Malaysian situation, it would appear that if Malaysian what is to be the zero-sum-game, then it would be very necessary for Frederice Muamba and Kevin Davies to get their act together.

I'm sure you would concur. As would Harold-Bob!

If they pass as in the field, does that not mean that I may be the next Boa Morte? Of course, not the serpentine variety. The more social one (of course, we discount garter snakes to make the above sensible)

A mutton chop would be good right now. But would Aunt Petunia agree? I dont think so! Lets ask Fawkes, and if that fails, the Doctor will know where registered land is to go!

Cheers!

The Intricacies of Making Sense

2009-01-16T20:19:00.000-08:00

Why, you could ask, do we communicate (excluding excommunication, that is)? Is it to achieve a sense of justification for feeding upon that human corpse? Or is it due to an inane urge to replicate the works of another? And why are the Toa Payoh HDB Flats in Singapore ALWAYS the background for horror stories???

And as a forethought (not really fore, maybe the stern thought. Or the hull thought), don't I look good in this picture?

Hahahahahahaha!

The definition of a Mirelurk

2009-01-09T02:37:00.001-08:00

When a Mirelurk attacks, make sure you aim for its face in V.A.T.S. But if it lurks in mires, then how does it pop up in the Nuka Cola Processing Plant? The only explanation would be that the cats of the Yao Guai were moving them about. Terrible bears.

Then what about happy feet? Should they be allowed to tap tap tappity tap? What if vegetables were to become histrionic? Would you then know which watch to buy, or which person is the Brave one? Didn't think so.

Camphor oil is terrible when taken into the gathering of mice. 'WELCOME TO OUR GATHERATION!!!' Haha, and imagine putting THAT up on canvas. Should the Ishimura be reduced to rubble? I certainly think so.

Cantankerous ale tankards would prevent the manifestation of civil right of Ghouls and Smooth Skins. Or would it? I leave you with that thought dear reader... Please feel free to tell me if you used that pilot light, or you proceeded to blow poor Betty out of her sub-conscious EVIL mind!

An ode to the XBox

2009-01-02T11:09:00.000-08:00

Where for art thou, XBOX-io? It is the East, and Fallout (3) is the sun!

When I first bough my XBox three sixty,
I saw that it was,
A night so dreary.

I sat and pondered,

Why should I,

Bring this sleek white beast,

To reside.

And as I slept and mused in my bed,
The angel of cynicism appeared and said;

My Dear Boy,
How foolish you are,
The XBox shall assist you, in your travels afar!

How? (I must have been out of my mind to say so)
I asked, as silly as I may,
Would it do so,
Turrah, Turray?

It will keep you when flesh fails,
But always remember, the Bible prevails!

And now it has dawned on me,
That come what may,
That the Bible comes first,
And only then, play!

An ode to the XBox 360

Gavin Jay Anand

The sphincter of reprimanding a thing of measure (not famous amos cookies, that would be weird)

2008-12-29T03:24:00.000-08:00

Contrary to what most cats believe, the nuclear fallout is approaching. When the cockroaches do not survive, then you know the rats will do so. Or they may not. What if Zoltan the intrepid mongrel decides to do something?

Never thought of that, did you?

And how about the essence of thosai, which we all parade around daily? Wouldit be valid to leave a snake and rodent together? Would not the fighting fish get to the both of them?

Can Parameswara be from Goa? Dude, yeah man, and then take it out before you go to sleep, or it will loll around in your skull.

The Finickiness of Control Panels

2008-12-18T12:13:00.001-08:00

The pulsating temples upon the air are caused by an overdose of coffee. Or was that caffeine? How about absinthe? Would that count? Heres to green goop! And if Beng Hui ever finds that game, SLIMEWORLD, for Sega Genesis, dont stand between me and the console. I'll kill ya. Just kidding, I'dprobably let you go first. Unless pi does NOT equate to 3.142... which it does not.

Doink!

I'll skip the chains, chain lovers. So sorry, dont post any hate mail! But then again, I love you guys, my loyal fan base! How about giving it up for Abe above!!??? He's my mudokon sized hero. They aren't too big, so, as with the Big Bang and theory of relativity, I should have several more (role cages, roll cages, and swiss rolls as well)

Heres to that badak berlapis swiss roll! Dont take it to heart kid, SHOW THEM!! Haha, Danial, if you could see me now, you ###wipe! I'd beat that stupid grin off your face!

Is the is the is, the bad engrand's is...

2008-12-13T08:23:00.000-08:00

Well, is this the posts the very bads Engrand...after the Dominos is the ban is the readings on the books at the terminals. After is thats the happens, is all the go the hill downs.

I is the painings very the bad is. The chains is the wheres?!!!

And is the pregnant whales is the bites me the is the is? Why is she the bites me the is the is!

And is the Nancy Drew's the mamak is? I is the prevented from the playings the XBOX 360 is because mother is the watches this movies is the is. Is the sad.

Is the prace the goods? Yes, I is the says so, but is the very sads with the potential catchings. I is very feels the bads. Now I is the drown the sorrows with 4 hours of the Space is the Dead the is (Dead Space). Is the necromorph bite my head!!!

I is the feels the pains for the single mothers!

Do we haves the hearts??

No, we is not, but why should I give money to a junkie just so he is the leavings me the alones?

100,000$ cars, everybody got it!

2008-12-12T03:43:00.000-08:00

In the counter in the closet, and I say I didn't do it with my face covered in chocolate!

Must be some covering, especially when placed into the proper context. Eh?

Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!

Macadamians and brazil nuts. And then even more so, the allocation of resources for the repairs aboard the USG Ishimura. And the terrible necromorphs and 10 kilotonne Leviathan.

I like football. Lionel Messi cekap gila!

I am SUCH a nerd!

Cheers!

I'm a Lead Farmer **********er!!!!

2008-12-02T09:44:00.000-08:00

Yeah I am! And do you know how awesome it is to be one??!!! You get to blow stuff up, shoot and miss the sides of a barn, and just act all crazy!!!

Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!

The other day, I received a call from Yelizer. He said he wanted his space clippers back. NO!!!! And then, the mind possession began, and before I knew it, the line was riding up my crack!!!!

Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!

1 down, 1 more to go!!! Haha, yeah, now you know that you dont mess with the ex-universe trimmer! When will the nano-tyrannosaurus rex win? When it learns to NOT mess with an angry mama T-Rex, thats when!!! Heres a septic attack against you!!! Hahaahahahahahah!!!

Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!

But then again, ask yourself, why did not big papa rex care? I think its that whole bond between mother and child thing. Rip em' and display em'!!! Rawrrrr!!!! No sizing up for this one!!!

Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!

I, for one, am a huge advocate of acting demure if you look like you measure your trouser size in hectares. PLEASE dont sit on me!!! And if you cant act, fake!! And if you cant fake, become a lead farmer!! Or fly me to the moon... Is it really that hard? I mean, Laika did it, and shes still ok (although shes dead, I hate dog years!)

Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!

How is it atrocious? Whence is it not? Will these cretins from the denizen Ooglah ever be excreted back into the sewers whence they came from? Or shall Doraemon do it? Aung Aung Aung, Aung eneh maaney suci, tora ey, maamu!!!

The Isygonisms of Stigma

2008-11-26T10:01:00.000-08:00

Whence will the voices in my head stop their awesome hip-hop beat themed rap music?!!! And when will the everlasting cornfields be replaced with rice? I hate maize!!!

Me!! I know who I am! I'm the dude playing a dude disguised as another dude! You the dude who don't know what dude he is!!!

Yeah, and then some more. Yes suh! When I was in the army, you boys in luck, I used to cook us up a great crayfish dish, yes suh!!! (use Robert Downey Jr's accent in Tropic Thunder)

Tagged ya!

Wheres my chains??!! Wheres my chains??!! Wheres my chains??!! Wheres my chains??!!

It has come to mine attention that some somnambulists are against the advent of comfy pillows. Why the discrepancy between the merger of Slumberland and the sandman? Wouldn't it be a boon for such organisations? Unless you get ninja shurikens involved.

Wheres my chains??!! Wheres my chains??!!

The other day, I was at a Government Department with Fere, and of all things, efficiency was on the menu! Twas' quite a surprise, friendliness was as well! Boycott the KL Monorail! They have done me a great injustice! Heres to the development of sugarcoated roads and banana peels on the Dusseldorf!!

Wheres my chains??!!
Wheres my chains??!! Wheres my chains??!!

I saw a watch the other day, but it looks like something a mighty morphine power ranger might buy. And then, Godzilla in the form of Jazmin stomped in and ate the UMobile CEO whilst he was giving his uplifting talk on his website. Sooty, its Mr. Pink-Whistle!!!

Wheres my chains??!! Wheres my chains??!!

Why should anyone want to finance terrorism? Just accept the fact that he is one! And then suppost the American courts! But no death threats please, we're civilized. Just look to Vietnam when the French invaded, and also Guantanamo Bay. 'I'll support you, bu whence you have resources, take Lez Grossmann's advice!!'

Wheres my chains??!! Wheres my chains??!! Wheres my chains??!!

Back to the topic at hand. Which is the development of sustainable facial hair renewal techniques for koala bears. It seems that unkind persons have used them as facial towels, coarse ones, of course, leading to permanent incontinence. Yeowchhhh!!!!

Wheres my chains??!! Wheres my chains??!!
Wheres my chains??!! Wheres my chains??!!
Wheres my chains??!! Wheres my chains??!! Wheres my chains??!!

Ahhh, Dorothy, how you do advocate hatred and strife. I personally feel that she deserved a less violent ending. Hast thou ever noticed how violent old poems are. Jack breaking his crown, humpty dumpty breaking into a million pieces, the history behind ring around a posy, rock-a-bye baby... man....

Wheres my chains??!!
Wheres my chains??!! Wheres my chains??!!
Wheres my chains??!! Wheres my chains??!!

I like Enid Blyton books, and I do NOT and WILL not believe that Annie Sullivan was mean to her! So there!!

Wheres my chains??!!

Like a passing breeze in the wind, quoth the Raven, nevermore!!!

Cheers!

Me!! I know who I am! I'm the dude playing a dude disguised as another dude! You the dude who don't know what dude he is!!!

2008-11-23T11:07:00.001-08:00

Yeah, and so do you! Would you believe that a guy with a face as beautiful as mine buttocks is going to get married to a girl whom is even sweeter than the oh-so cliched apple pie (except that in this circumstance, no cliche and/or description could fit better)? And he's not just ugly, he's fat, has a HUGE beer gut, smokes, is butt ugly, is short, is about as intelligent as a doorknob [which the judges are still undecided upon, they ('handsome' and the doorknob) tied in the last round, hence, the ABOUT], is butt ugly, and, oh yeah, is a no-good deadbeat.

A real keeper no doubt. Ah, what possesses people at times, I cannot fathom. It must be his 'sparkling' personality (which exists exclusively in the 8th dimension of the constellation Zlorg, and no where else).

No chains for the above, tis beyond me.

Me!! I know who I am! I'm the dude playing a dude disguised as another dude! You the dude who don't know what dude he is!!!

Just thought a little anecdote from an excellent movie would cheer you, mine reader, up, after the harrowing news above. (Did I mention that he's BUTT ugly?)

Wheres my chains???!!!Wheres my chains???!!!Wheres my chains???!!!Wheres my chains???!!!

When will the freons be molded onto mine head? And do you remember the cartoon Bonkers? Man, that was a hoot!

Can a destroyer ever be part of the Solar System? Would Mercury be ever so kind to step aside and allow for such misgivings of the centuries??

Wheres my chains???!!!Wheres my chains???!!!

Wife-beaters should be drawn and quartered, would you not agree? If you do not, take Lez Grossman's advice to the Flaming Dragon gang, but make sure you take a step back first. Would'nt want you hurting yourself (just kidding, I actually would).

Wheres my chains???!!!Wheres my chains???!!!Wheres my chains???!!!

Why should I want a replacement if the product I just received has plastic attached to it? Its FOOD! Would'nt a similar replacement be made with the same 'exacting' standards? Give me my refund!

Wheres my chains???!!!Wheres my chains???!!!Wheres my chains???!!!

Why do we seek senseless things, like beauty that fades? I would MUCH rather have a companion whom can hold a proper conversation than one which is an airhead, a mere 'floozy' (apply Jack Black's accent in Nacho Libre for full effect). Would you not?

Wheres my chains???!!!Wheres my chains???!!!Wheres my chains???!!!

Cantankerous behaviour, thats what we have to stop! Conversation, replace all humans with dogs! Rawwrrrrrx3!!!

Wheres my chains???!!!Wheres my chains???!!!
Wheres my chains???!!!Wheres my chains???!!!
Wheres my chains???!!!

The Vehicular Dissection of Contortionists

2008-11-22T21:33:00.001-08:00

Surprise..... Get that corn outta my face!!!!

Yeah, I would be angry too if I had been insulted by two old men in front of a super beautiful nun I was secretly in love with yet could never hope for due to mine's taking of the vows of celibacy.

Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!

The other day, a thud was heard in my garden. It turned out to be a pile of turd from the Domino's Pizza call centre, more well known by the Latin term of Turdicus Biggius Shiftus Leaderius. This species of turd is rare, and it delights in mindless verbs, senseless mumbling, and totally antiquated procedures (think the Neolithic Age and a monkeys your uncle).

Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!

I was approached by a person the other day, whom asked for some pittance. Not the emotional kind, the other one...the type that really hurts where it matters most (for those still uninformed, the wallet). Caught in a conundrum, I sprang into action, hung up on our best customer, and worked on the Mission Statement like there was no tomorrow!!!

Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!

Why should I pay you to work if you enjoy it so much? Whence will company's learn that, to really appreciate your employees, you dont need any fancy schemes to improve morale, just pay us more and let us off earlier! Morale boosting exercises usually bring about the opposite, especially if turd-faced bosses get involved.

Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!

I would love to become a pro-wrestler, but then again, yarn is so much fun! And since we're all for the dolphins, that could be my name, Tortoise Man, and his hairy chest! (Yes, I am a man, only twenty days till I turn 20!)

Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!

Why is 4-4.30p.m. slated for guest arrival? Why not 4.29? And why did Gary stop me in Maybank? Was it because I was snazzily dressed? I would suppose so... Why else would he think I'm a working man? Why?!!! Why????!!!!!

Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!

Some things are best left unexplained, eh uncle? Or auntie? Should that be with or without whipped cream?

Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!

Anecdotes from Brigadier General Zlorg of the 8th Dimension

2008-11-17T07:49:00.000-08:00

And then, there were none. At least thats till they managed to breed Khaki ducks. Now all we have would be fewer apple snails. And mud. I have always been against the proliferation of confetti as opposed to the inauguration ceremony(ies) of bengal tigers. The latter I support. As do I the former.

Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!

Can mankind ever lose out to birds? If so, why are some hawks bigger than kittens? And why the inadvertent obsession with a rural Japanese town with a special name? Will he, wont he,Will he, wont he, will he adopt the town? (sung to the tune of 'Will you join the dance?') Yes said the Porpoise, I will.

Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!

Why do people dare take the risk of travelling in aeroplanes? Isn't it dangerous sitting in a big metal box, which weighs more than my house, and is propelled by millions of chemical reactions? Add to the equation the fact that any small human or mechanical error could cause a glorious eruption of fire and fuel! Haha, gotcha thinking, did'nt I?

Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!

Did you ever consider the effects which would be brought about by an increase in the production of artificial hips? Companies would employ hip-breaking thugs, just to increase revenue! Gahhhh!!!!

Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!

Should the third dimension aliens ever arrive, tell them that a left at Planet Zotan, and straight on till Nexus VV-53 is what they would want. And probably need as well.

Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!

Can a destructive monsoon bring about the end of the reign of plastic and metal? I would think so. Unless a truckload of piranhas would be able to avert such a crisis. I hate those meat-eating hamsters.

Jumping Jehosaphats! I just estimated the arrival of cockroach-friendly squirrels, but whom are, quite unfortunately, people-haters. And they have laser weapons and are three times our size. No bushy tails, sorry. Only little stumps, which gives them a really bad personality. Pure evil, these rodents.

Better get your chains ready for the invasion of the balls of hail! And if that doesn't kill you, Readers Digest jokes will!

Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!

The Cerebral Settings of a Neanderthal

2008-11-15T21:03:00.000-08:00

Yeah, well, most of you readers do look like the excellent one on the left. Not that I have anything against ugly people. Sometimes, it just feels so hard to be so privileged. Sigh....

Wheres my chains???!!!!Wheres my chains???!!!!Wheres my chains???!!!!Wheres my chains???!!!!

And to those readers whom think that this blog is one which makes snide remarks at them, whilst veiling it under the cover of obscurity, please, dont flatter thineself. Devan, this applies specifically to you.

Wheres my chains???!!!!Wheres my chains???!!!!Wheres my chains???!!!!Wheres my chains???!!!!

And yes, I did actually met a guy nnamed Ravi, he did actually speak to me about the baboon's butt, and he did actually think hes a big hulking deal. I met him at a contest event.

Wheres my chains???!!!!Wheres my chains???!!!!Wheres my chains???!!!!

But now, on to the important issuses that really determine whom oneself is and will be, twelve years from now. Did you know that fish may one day rule the world? As well as cockroaches and rats? That is, if evolution was to continue, and history was to repeat itself.

Heigh-ho the asteroids back!!!

Wheres my chains???!!!!Wheres my chains???!!!!Wheres my chains???!!!!Wheres my chains???!!!!

Can pizza fake an accent? I know advertisements can, and frequently do. Its PER-OW-DOO-A, not PHER-OW-DHU-A!!!! Stupid voice-overs, we all know you're a Malaysian with a fake accent, even the cats do!

Wheres my chains???!!!!Wheres my chains???!!!!Wheres my chains???!!!!

Can a coat hanger come with the Admiral series? Or does it work the other way around? And can mankind ever learn to respect the gravity of severance pay? Should we all turn into mindless dolts? (For those of us not one yet)

Wheres my chains???!!!!Wheres my chains???!!!!Wheres my chains???!!!!

People are not all that intelligent. After 20 years, I can safely say that we all blunder through our lives, hoping not to get chewed on by some rabid mouse.

Wheres my chains???!!!!Wheres my chains???!!!!Wheres my chains???!!!!

Heres to you, Neanderthal man and/or woman (note the AND).

Wheres my chains???!!!!Wheres my chains???!!!!Wheres my chains???!!!!

The Essence of Edgar Allen Poe

2008-11-15T06:45:00.000-08:00

I just realised, my posts are reminiscent of Edgar Allan Poe. He enjoys writing stuff that most humans dont understand as well!! Awesomeness and fame are in my future!! (Although I believe Poe died a penniless madman...)

Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!

Spank you very much, said the Evil Pizzaman

2008-11-12T08:08:00.000-08:00

And then he did exactly that. What would life be if we were to work better ergonomics into every situation? Would jaybirds (ahh, birds after me own kindly heart) finally come out of hiding, and bless the world with their wonderful song and dance routines?

Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!

Can a bird be equated with sugar tablets? Maybe, in terms of ants. Calorie values, that is. Then how would Equal fit in? Isn't that quite the conundrum to ponder upon during your porcelain cruise?

Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!

Why is it uncool to be a chain-lover? Everyone has an opinion as regards how chains are to be taken care of. Well I say "No tabasco sauce for me please, I'll have it with salt!!" to them, so there!!!

Wheres my chains??!!!

If a loser is told to go get a job, would he cease to be a loser? Bad advice I suppose, from Mr. Enzo Ferrari to the owner of Lamborghini, eh? How abot books, where do they fit in then?

Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!

The Quintessential Charisma of Grovelling for Cheese

2008-11-12T00:49:00.000-08:00

When I take a walk downtown, I usually do not buy cheesesticks, but I should make a mental note to do so. The barbecue sauce always tastes better when the bantamweight division wins in a no-holds-barred rock-paper-scissors match. Would you not agree?

Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!

For the unadvised solicitor, I would assume professional help from a fishmonger is forthcoming. Its terribly therapeutic, and not only does it provide you with all the necessary doses of Omega-3 oil, its also cheap, and the competitors fish do not have it! Book now and book early to avoid disappointment!

Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!

Can a bit of skin wrapped over bone ever replace a human being? It would be possible if the Terminator was to be taken seriously. They walk amongst us, BEWARE puny human!

Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!

Should I change the colour of my computer screen? Or should it stay as cranky as it is? Would a hand crank be of use in averting bouts and fits of clandestine-like, chivalrous operations. Hopefully, for your sake, at the very least.

Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!

School busses are painted yellow for a reason. To warn yaks of their impending doom. Let me explain. Its all in the baboons butt. (Refer to past weblog for explanation)

Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!

And what about cow-bells? Or even tinkerbell??!!! Does she EVER get respite from Peter Pan, the spoilt brat of a fairy? HMMMMM???!!!!!

Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!

Why do we drown ourselves in vats of acid coffee, and then blame it all on the humble, hardworking tapir. (I love tapirs, although they bite viciously, vile humans!) Should we really let it go to the dogs, and see how well they govern? Heres my vote for circumventing horses from attacking cats!

Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!

Maestros at chef school learn how to cook. So what about cordon bleu chefs? Do they eat raw fish, or raw shrimp cocktails? What is a catfish doing in my garden?

Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!
Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!
Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!

I like eating curry. And I know you do too, no matter how much you deny it.

Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!

Can a drunk be a teetotaller? And can a gunny sack be used to transport arms? Yes to both, I would say!! What say you then, dear Sir and/or Madam?

Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!! Wheres my chains??!!!Wheres my chains??!!!

The Fantabulous Festoon of Avarice

2008-11-11T10:28:00.000-08:00

Can we meet the deadline? Or shall we enlist the help of the National Guard in tackling the giant bee menace? What shall we do Guv'nor??!!! How shall we defeat the forces of evil whilst still making it in time for bagel boy buns on cheap Saturdays! Happy New Year guys! And yes, it does rain fish near cemeteries at night, even on Saint Augustine's birthday.

Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!

How do we extract socks from cats? And why do teachers give us windows for entertaiment? Can lazy eye be cured, or should we continue the search for robust motor-electronics and penicillin? Or did George Washinton liberate the countdown crops already?

Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!

Tanks are the ultimate scooter driven pleasure. They are heinous from an interior designing fairy's viewpoint, but then again, a carpenter would not take such issues into account, would he? What about the lawyer and inevitable doctor whom should get involved as well??

Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!

Or as they say in the west, 'HAND TOWSSED pizza please!! And deliver to Jaran Berimbing, if possibre, send to my office, because there got no rock on the door!' And maybe some more.

Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!

Kudos to my blog followers, without whom, this blog would still be possible, as I dont quite care as to whether I care as pertains whether you or any other cool, hip and intelligent blogger (terrible oxy-moron, that) reads this spiel. Which means I do not not not care. A triple negative. And they say a double negative is a no-no. Well I say 'pish-tosh' to that.

Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!

Can a mitre ever replace a John Deere hat? Or vice versa? I would think maybe, if we were to a

ll become left wing liberals. And then some more. How about the extent to which mankind should repay red-billed woodpeckers and red-eared slider terrapins for the terrible lack of seafood which we provide them with? Ahha, betcha never thought of THAT now, did'ja?

Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!

Could cheap thrills ever replace the serenity of a tax evasion summons? Probably. But you be the judge as regards whether Federal Operatives chasing you is comparable to some lousy playground ride. I think the answer to that would be quite obvious. Down with syndicated lemonde machines and big-time Krackers!

Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!

The Extent of Mortifying an Exoskeleton

2008-11-11T09:39:00.000-08:00

When I say mankind, you say demagogue! When I say pontoon, you say boatswain! (pronounced boh'sun, you silly landlubber) How do freelancers work? Do you think that the armor and the chinks which they adopt and keep in their basements keeps the toast warm? Or would that be the jelly bunnies lurking up behind you, ready to punish you for all your misdeeds?!!!!

Wheres my chains??!!!! Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!

Mastery of cats will bring about the liberation of Cat Kahuna. And what about Jeremy Clarkson? Should he be imcarcerated for his various, heinous pressed wifebeater singlets?

Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!

Freedom comes at a price, but if that price was to be the evisceration of grass balls, would that really be such a bad thing? Tell me then, dear Sir, and pray make haste. Not Hansel and Gretel. Overpower the wicked Witch of the East, and if possible the Great winds of the North Sea as well.

Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!
Wheres my chains??!!!!

When chains were manufactured, this blog actually made sense. It still does, you just have to read between the lines. And take me literally on this, although I cannot guarantee that that would make sense. Or would it?? (Cue mysterious music)

Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!

Can the ravings of a hen be considered literary classics? And should we be liasing with interterrestrial beings at the sake of chicken and beef sandwiches and biscuits? Why aren't humans equipped with powerful paws and opposable thumbs as WELL???

Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!

Can a fish be held liable in court for contempt? I think so, especially if the whale (a mammal, by the way) was to not encourage it to testify. Maybe a bass, but not a swordfish. Or maybe even the mako. Now THAT would be intensely and jealously guarded!!

Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!

Gourds are quite the interesting creation. They hold water and cinnamon sticks, but you already knew that. And what about the pronunciation of cats?? Should someone NOT adhere to the strict rules of gravity??!!! HMMMMM!!!! Ponder upon that, evil genius!!

Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!Wheres my chains??!!!!

The Fundamental Innings of Lopsided Ears

2008-11-10T00:47:00.001-08:00

Can a man be created out of crates? I would think so, based upon the fact that Honda has cars and we have cats. Some privileged ones, anyway. The electric chair is quite the roast, isn't it? Would you like that charbroiled or well-done then, sir?

Wheres my chains?!! Wheres my chains?!! Wheres my chains?!! Wheres my chains?!!

Paddles are meant for crazy persons to make chickens cluck. And why dont birds cluck? Don't some of them make the same sounds?

Wheres my chains?!! Wheres my chains?!! Wheres my chains?!!
Wheres my chains?!! Wheres my chains?!!
Wheres my chains?!!

The English persons variety of the guillotine would be the apple pie killer. Does Thomas Alva Edison understand the extent of his tenacity?

Wheres my chains?!! Wheres my chains?!!

Can dynamite blow tea up? And what happens if we CAN create electricity? Would it be an end to humanity as we speak of serpent warriors whom roam the streets of Harlem and MAYBE your backyard??!!!! HMMMMMM!!!!!

Wheres my chains?!!
Wheres my chains?!! Wheres my chains?!!
Wheres my chains?!! Wheres my chains?!!
Wheres my chains?!! Wheres my chains?!!
Wheres my chains?!!

Wheres the battle for the final spot? Can the Chinese Dam's whale eat people, and if it is a whale, HOW does it survive in fresh water??!!!

Wheres my chains?!!
Wheres my chains?!! Wheres my chains?!!
Wheres my chains?!! Wheres my chains?!!

Would you pay 2,000 for a Submarine? I know I would!!

Wheres my chains?!! Wheres my chains?!! Wheres my chains?!!

The Lenses of Pasturia and Catman and Dogwoman

2008-11-06T07:02:00.000-08:00

When I was incarcerated, I learnt to knit and shout INTTTHE ARSENAL!!!!! And then, there was a campus like dreg animal that conspired for futsal to be cohorted. AND SYNDICATED.

Wheres my chains?!!! Wheres my chains?!!!Wheres my chains?!!!Wheres my chains?!!!

Today, my blog was questioned numerous times. Why does mankind eat fish? And why is a bumblebee, if the laws of physics were to apply in absolut, still able to fly?!!!

Because it applies the principles this cat adheres to. And it likes scientists studying it.

Wheres my chains?!!! Wheres my chains?!!!Wheres my chains?!!!Wheres my chains?!!!

And what about the radiation which geese and rubber emit? We get so worked up over dentures, but not film foots.

Wheres my chains?!!! Wheres my chains?!!!Wheres my chains?!!!Wheres my chains?!!!Wheres my chains?!!! Wheres my chains?!!!Wheres my chains?!!!Wheres my chains?!!!Wheres my chains?!!! Wheres my chains?!!!Wheres my chains?!!!Wheres my chains?!!!

I'm manacles man and frenchie! Hampered by a destination of catsup and Justea! Can festering yeast be made bread? Yes it CAN! And we gladly eat it by the MILLIONS of tonnes!

Cheerio!

Kebaikan Memblog Dalam Bahasa Melayu

2008-11-05T08:05:00.000-08:00

Hari ini, saya akan mem-blog, ataupun mencatitkan kehidupan seharian saya dalam Bahasa Melayu. Ini adalah usaha untuk membangunkan masteri Bahasa ini bagi diri saya sendiri.

Di mana rantai saya?!!
Di mana rantai saya?!!
Di mana rantai saya?!!

Jikalau anda mempunyai masalah dengan bank akaun anda, janganlah risau, saya pasti anda boleh memanfaatkan masyarakat dengan bergotong-royong di laman sekolah anda.

Di mana rantai saya?!!
Di mana rantai saya?!!
Di mana rantai saya?!!

Selepas dimasukkan ke akuan mentari mamak, saya telah mentafsirkan ijazah yang diberi oleh negara Lithuania yang amat mahsyur. Jikalau monyet gigit anda, pastikan anda mendapat suntikan gas babi yang amat bagus untuk kesihatan yang holistik.

Di mana rantai saya?!!
Di mana rantai saya?!!
Di mana rantai saya?!!

Saya telah memenatkan vokabulari saya, dan sekarang, saya terpaksa menghakhiri rentetan blog ini.

Di mana rantai saya?!!

Menyorak-io!

Mankind and its maestro

2008-11-04T22:48:00.000-08:00

Yes, that is what all of us will eventually look like in 50 years. I have not omitted women. They too will look like him. In fact, I know of some that already do.

Wheres my chains?!!!!

Todays discussion will be on the importance of coffee and its potential life-threatening cats syndrome which in effect will be bombastic enough to bring characters from Dilbert to life and consign a crate of oranges to Heck and allow us all to do the macarena and Limbo with Grim the Grim Reaper, and if theres time, knock on the door of Rotiboy and catch some slogs for breakfast. If they don't catch you first.

Wheres my chains?!!!!Wheres my chains?!!!!Wheres my chains?!!!!

The paragraph before the last made NO SENSE at all. If you read it, kudos to you and your cat Mittens, which carries out (the cat, not you) extensive market research. At least according to the dingbat on your shoulder.

Made you look.

Wheres my chains?!!!!Wheres my chains?!!!!Wheres my chains?!!!!

I like oil and all its slipperiness. How does procrastination affect humanity? If Alfred Nobel had procrastinated, and not invented dynamite, we'd all be living in caves, but hey, there'd be no wars WITH EXPLOSIONS! Arnold Schwarzenegger would never have starred in Terminators 1-3, and Sylvester Stallone would not speak as though he's Marlon Brando in the Godfather.

Wheres my chains?!!!!Wheres my chains?!!!!Wheres my chains?!!!!

Maklimus terriensus finickinus. Sounds like latin, but I made it up.

Wheres my chains?!!!!Wheres my chains?!!!!

Why do we communicate? Is it our large brain? Does it speak to us, thus leading us into speaking with others? If that was an argument, why don't whales speak back? (Unless they DO! It's just us whom have'nt been able to interpret!)

Wheres my chains?!!!!Wheres my chains?!!!!Wheres my chains?!!!!

Here it is again.

Don't know why there's a pcture of a crazy clown here, but if you must know, this is Sweet Tooth, a psychopathic murderous clown. He is also the star of the Twisted Metal series. He is my friend and compatriot, although he's stuck in a video game.

Wheres my chains?!!!!Wheres my chains?!!!!Wheres my chains?!!!!

Yeah, its his favourite quote too. And he'll eat your brains out.

Wheres my chains?!!!!Wheres my chains?!!!!

Bruce Willis is awesome. He's bald.

Wheres my chains?!!!!Wheres my chains?!!!!

Why don't I make sense? I would like to, but its just too much work. I'd much rather write cryptic, hidden messages for the aliens reading this to interpret, years from now when we're all looking like this.

No, its not faecal matter, you loony fish cat. Or cat dog, if you'd prefer. Maybe flish. Its some kind of food. dont know what though.

Wheres my chains?!!!!Wheres my chains?!!!!Wheres my chains?!!!!

Cheerio!

Cantankerous Behaviour, Its My Choices Is the Is the Is!!!!

2008-11-04T03:34:00.000-08:00

I was listening to geese on the TV the other day, heres how it went...

Honk! Honk! Honk! (Violent hand gesture, wing flying back)

Honk! Honk! HONKKKKKKKKKKK!!!! Adakah ini yang sepatutnya! HonKK!!!

I suppose you could guess that this is Karam Singh Waliah...

Wheres my chains?!!!

I was skating down Meadowhall the other day whilst listening to Christmas tunes, when all of a sudden, the ice broke.

Wheres my chains?!!!

Thats what I shouted. As luck would have it, Malaysia has no snow, so the pond was fake. I was actually inside a teriyaki bar. Yeah, cool sushi man.

Wheres my chains?!!!
Wheres my chains?!!!Wheres my chains?!!!
Wheres my chains?!!!

And then there was this dude at the mamak store, he said, "Dude, get some diapers!" I said, "Dude, go get some glasses! We're in Malaysia! Its not California, surfer dude!" then he agreed, shaved his hair off, and is now officially part of Gerak Gerak Gerak Khas!!!!

Wheres my chains?!!!
Wheres my chains?!!!Wheres my chains?!!!
Wheres my chains?!!!Wheres my chains?!!!
Wheres my chains?!!!Wheres my chains?!!!
Wheres my chains?!!!

And for the coup-du-grace, I think I'll end with a song. Rasmus, Marasmus, dan Form Six, kalau tak careful, nanti ada kebakaran semasa saya di Form 6 ya.

Wheres my chains?!!!Wheres my chains?!!!

I choose oligarch tea as well.

Cheers!

The Payasam man and Bread

2008-11-03T18:53:00.000-08:00

Have you ever stopped and taken into account the similarities between the Payasam man and bread?

Wheres my chains?!!!

I think its time for some senseless rambling. Whence for art thineself, Juliet? It is the handphone of destiny, and Ravi the titan shall save us from the plague that is red-butt baboons with his trusty M-16 and his military commando training!

Wheres my chains?!!!

Another issue bothering this chain lover would be the gasses which make bananas ripen. this notorious gas is called ethylene. I dont know how its all that notorious, as said by Mufasa from the Lion King, "Simba, we come from the grass, and when we eat the antelope, the antelope head-butt us, and as such, we go into comas and sing 'Karupu Chattei' with superstar Sarath Kumar and then take on Pakistani terrorist scum with 'vann-mann-yarmy' (one man army, for you non-indian accent interpreters) Vijaykanth whom looks like a puffed up goldfish on fat-roids.

However, note the girl hes dancing with. 100 bucks says shes half his age. Go superstarrrrr Vijaykanth!!!!

Ahh, the many facets and faucets and what-not-cets of jealousy. Fret not Rajinikanth, through proper training, hair-transplants, and maybe a set of cool sungalsses, YOU too can look like Vijaykanth!

Res ipsa loquitur ya'll, the event shall speak for itself! And for all you Latin illiterates, to quote my cousin, its Jacobus!

Wheres my chains?!!!Wheres my chains?!!!Wheres my chains?!!!

Man, I've got TWO assignments due, and here I am doing this! Ooops, lil' slice of reality slipped in there... This should take the sting outta THAT!

Cheerio!

The Importance of Curtains

2008-11-03T07:57:00.000-08:00

Curtains, as we all know, are an integral part of everyday life. Chains are related to them as well, as, without chains, curtains would not hang.

Wheres my chains?!!!

Another issue of grave importance would be the innoculation of human beings. Is it not high time that we developed something to innculate ourselves with. This will take time! Ini akan mengambil masa!

Wheres my chains?!!!Wheres my chains?!!!

Do you ever feel, at times, that Western culture is being imposed upon us Easterners? I mean, c'mon, I dont need High School Muscial to do well! Wheres my chains?!!!Wheres my chains?!!!

All I would need would be the intelligence located within the baboon's butt!

Wheres my chains?!!!

To end this weblog, I would like to quote my favourite crazy warmonger Kratos, the Son f Zeus... 'Turn back beast!!! You dare defy the God of War!'

Wheres my chains?!!!

And heres a nugget of wisdom for you, when you shine your shoes, always bend over, so no one sees you doing so in public. And remember, stay in school sp you will know how to read which side of the road to jump whence headlightsapproach!

Wheres my chains?!!!
Wheres my chains?!!!Wheres my chains?!!!
Wheres my chains?!!!Wheres my chains?!!!

Cheerio!

The Psyche (pronounced sy-kee) of Today's Youth

2008-11-03T06:47:00.000-08:00

Wheres my chains?!!! Wheres my chains?!!! Wheres my chains?!!! Wheres my chains?!!! Wheres my chains?!!!

Alright, this is a post very dear to me, as I think it is one which needs addressing today... The PSYCHE of today's youth! (and by youth, I mean any person in the age group ranging from 16-20)

After extensive research, comprised of a bench featuring prominent academics such as Myself, Myself and Dr. Mineself, this information is coming to you raw and unbridled.

Wheres my chains?!!!

After years of observation and study, this is basically what today's youth is obsessed upon;

1. A Boyfriend or Girlfriend

2. Handphone

3. Being online

4. To appear 'COOL' amongst their peers. This usually (almost always) involves laughing, talking, joking, smoking, and/or cursing the loudest in public places amongst a group of friends whom will cackle along not knowing exactly what's going on [the above four 'COOL' acts are not mutually exclusive, are interchangeable, and can be combined].

Ta-da!! Boiled down to four simple must-haves!Wheres my chains?!!!Wheres my chains?!!!Wheres my chains?!!!

Here would be an example of a conversation between today's members of youth, garnered after years of observation and reels of records;

(Note that CAPSLOCK indicates speaking in extra loud voices, specifically intended to attract members of the opposite gender)

[Upon sitting down or whilst standing up and 'Wassuping Homies'] Wei, F******,, how la? PONTENG A? (Played truant?) [Speaking to the waiter] Bang, swee chia satu! (Bro, bring me an iced tea)

Wheres my chains?!!!

[After receiving order] Wei F*****, got a smoke a? [Upon receiving the fag, and friend cracks a stupid, imbecillic joke] HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! WEI, F******, YOU D*** FUNNY WEI! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Wheres my chains?!!!

Ahh, just had to say that. Feel much better now.

Alright, time for some random, made-up facts. Go ahead, quote me on this. Just know that I'm lying through my teeth (save for the last fact).

Rainbow trout fart is good for your eyes.

Donkeys make excellent pen pals.

The youth of today are egotistical, self-centred psycophants.

I will break you in-half.

Cheerio!

The Baboon's Butt

2008-11-03T03:27:00.000-08:00

"You see, its all in the baboon's butt,"

The above statement basically sums up the entire universe. Everything we stand for, and everything which we know, understand, and shall (ever) understand can be summed up in all totality by these great 8 words.

"You see, its all in the baboon's butt,"

If you were to completely devote yourself to these 8 words, you would see your world opening up. These GREAT words were elucidated to me by the great world-traveled-and-wearied sage, Mr. Ravi aka the non-sleeper for 7-days whom woke up beside a baboons butt once after he actually did get some sleep.

The origins of the great sage Ravi would not be important, but, it should sufice to say that he existed from the time of the titans.

He was, in fact, the script writer for the great Kronos in the game God of War 2, and it was the great sage Ravin whom penned the popular phrase of Kronos', "Our destiny has brought us together, Warrior."

Wheres my chains?!!!

Needless to say, the great sage Ravi has outlived the titans, and now walks amongst us. This lover of chains was blessed enough to be imparted upon a nugget of wisdom by his Most Excellency.

Wheres my chains?!!!

In the never-ending quest for material goods of mere mortals,the great sage Ravi assured this chain-lover that he was one whom abstains from any and all forms of worthless, trivial items. However, the great Ravi is one whom challenges 'just-for-the-thrills.'

Wheres my chains?!!!

As such, this lucky chain-lover managed to meet the great sage ravin at a publicity stunt, whereby the great Ravi was challenging, merely for the fun of TRYING (note the emphasis!), to win a car.

After repeated assurances of his endurance (RE: Sleeplessness for 7 days), the great Ravi crashed out after 30-minutes. His loss was indeed humbling (for us mere mortals, not him, as it shows us that even sages have limits), but it is assured that the great sage Ravi is right now handling an M-16 in Russia, whilst being attacked by baboons with red butts.

"You see, its all in the baboon's butt," was a secret he revealed to this chain-lover pre-challenge, and is now one which I impart upon thineself, dear reader.

"You see, its all in the baboon's butt," Let these 8 words guide your life, and always remember the great Ravi.

Wheres my chains?!!!

The Tenacity of D

2008-11-01T20:36:00.000-07:00

The Tenacity of D An ode to the letter D...

Where for art thou, letter D? It is the east, and the letter E, is the sun!Quoth the raven nevermore!

Alright, time for the second blog posting, you loony landlubbers! As I am my own greatest fan, today's post will be dedicated, as you can tell from the header, to the letter D.

Where's my chains??!!!

Why the letter D, you may ask? Well , in my last posting, the letter D was the only letter with the tenacity and cool factor 10 balls-rating to omit itself from my post (Re: The word 'Sunderlan"D"')

As such, in relation to all things chain-like, the letter D is, AMAZINGLY, shaped like one of the links which a chain is made up of! Where's my chains??!!!

As such, the correlation between the letter D and world history should also be made here, to further emphasize my point. Denmark, has great footballers (alright, not that great, but better than the USA anyway). Deutschland, has World Cup winning champs!

Where's my chains??!!!

Donkeys were critical in the building of the pyramids! (I made that last fact up) Dick Dastardly was always plotting the Downfall of the world. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle!!!Where's my chains??!!!

Dreams brought us where we are today! Dust is what we will turn into when we Die! Defeat is a word!Where's my chains??!!!

And finally, the icing in the Dumb cake, Dolphins are safer thanks to the Destruction of Dumb Donkeys like Dick Dastardly and Doyle whom plotted the Downfall of the Dolphin community by doing away with pyramids and king heroD!!Where's my chains??!!!

I should getta job man...

Where's my chains??!!!

2008-11-01T10:10:00.000-07:00

Alright yo, this be like, you know, like, a blog. Its like, dedicated to the love which bonds people and the chains that lock their homes.

A large portion of this blog will be devoted to chains, and all chain-based information, including chain-letters, chain-mail, chainsaws, and, to a certain extent, chagrin (the most latter portion will mostly be 'enjoyed' on your part)

As many of you knowledgeable readers (sarcasm dripping, mind you) might know, chains are an integral part of any house protection system. It prevents thieves from entering and provides owners with an overall sense of wellbeing.

Chains are a blessing, and it may be said that, for old people whom task themselves (or should I say pride themselves?) on locking up their houses with chains, chains are a God-send.

If you agree with the drivel above, and have actually bothered reading till this point, you are the biggest loser I (may) know. Cheers!

P.S. ManU NEARLY drew with Hull City, Chelsea just hammered Sunderlan 5-0, and Liverpool's goning to be playing Tottenham soon. Huzzah!