New Books and The Epicurean Adventures of the Avuncular Uncle Tan

Alright Chain-Meisters, its been a while, and after all that hate mail I've received, I thought I'd allow you guys an exercise in how to NOT be plebeian (very necessary, after all that mud-slinging).

There is a very simple action one can take to overcome one's proletariat outlook upon life. I shall enlighten thee, dear chain reader, upon the aforementioned, if you would just put up with mine verbosity a tad while longer.

You may think that the manner which I am about to enlighten thee upon is very uppity, and a tad bit snooty, but I assure thee, tis' none of the above.

The BEST, and DEFINITELY MOST ADVANCED MANNER IN WHICH ONE CAN INCREASE ONE'S UNDERSTANDING, COMPREHENSION AND OUTLOOK UPON LOVE, LIFE AND POLITICS WOULD BE.....

(Cue Imperial March music)

TO PLAY RED FACTION GUERILLA!!!!!!

If you've been a total loser all this time, can't function in any possible manner, feel awkward at social functions, and are a vain, self-centred git, then THIS IS THE GAME FOR YOU! (By the way, the last sentence made no sense AT ALL! How would a vain person feel like a loser? Hah, ponder upon that, foolish mortal!)

In this 2nd ed., you play Mason, a crazy demolitions expert. And I tell you man (or woman), its THE GREATEST SH*T to EVER GRACE PLANET EARTH! However, as the game takes place on Mars, I'm actually contradicting myself, but what the hey!

Mason can blow ANY STRUCTURE on the Red Planet up, and the physics of the game are mind-bendingly cekap. Buildings collapse as they should, not breaking the base will NOT result in collapse, Crazy s*ite man! And you throw explosives... Which can blow EVERYTHING, including your comrades, UP!

And here's the best part... The landscape is HUGE!! If thou art a crazy gamer such as mineself and can shun humans for days whilst playing Fable 2, then this game is DEFINITELY for you! No drawbacks, except for the occasional bullet to the head courtesy of EDF Snipers! Some blood, but hey, in lieu of games like GTA IV and Fable 2 (think decapitated heads, limbs and even extremities), Red Faction: Guerilla is a Grimm Brothers fairy tale.

So if you are a nut, a bolt (or, as in some rare cases, a washer), or even a clown with a painted face and a penchant for rapping, this GAME is definitely for you!

On a scale of 1-10 upon the "I'd-hold-Mother Nature-in-to-continue-playing' scale, Red Faction gets an 8 out of 10 cups full!